The other day a very dear friend asked me if I was ok. I’d been very quiet (read: nonexistent) online and as we live in each other’s computers, she was understandably concerned. I haven’t slapped up a blog post in over a week, have been absent from Twitter for several weeks, and Facebook witticisms have been noticeably absent since Sunday. I hadn’t even noticed until she asked how I was doing. I just did what an introverted gifted woman whose main over-excitability is emotional would do.
I went Quiet.
There’s a difference between quiet and Quiet. Lowercase is an adjective. Uppercase is a reaction to the world that I’m coming to realize means I’m over my limit, I can’t take much more, I need to pull back away from people, I need to be quiet because things are so over-the-top that I can’t joke about them and I’m sick to death of my own mental whining. When it happens in my own house things go really off the rails, but thankfully that hasn’t happened in a few years.
These are the times that I wish…sigh…I was normal. That emotional intensity wasn’t always perched on my shoulder. I would dearly love to take things in stride and not be continually thrown off-kilter by life’s curveballs. Some days it’s like being on a bender on a cruise ship doing the tango down a whirlpool. Not a solid footing to be found. Damned wiring. Makes it triply fun that my husband is a lot like this also, as well as our oldest son. I fully expect one day to find the younger son and the long-suffering dog slowly backing out the door to search for a little less crazy.
I’m tired. I’m tired of the crazy, and I’m even more tired of my unconscious reaction to it. Yes, yoga and meditation would help, but it’s kinda hard to do those when the dog thinks it’s playtime when you’re on the floor and the only quiet place in the house is the bathroom. The one with no lock on the door.
So I’m returning to my Quiet, for just a little while longer.
When Jen isn’t Quiet, she writes over at Laughing at Chaos. She also has a book coming out in July, courtesy of Gifted Homeschoolers Forum Press, and she’s gonna hafta get over the whole Quiet thing before that puppy goes live.