So, it’s confession time. As you all know by now, I was a gifted child. And I’m an emotionally intense adult. So I thought I’d paint a picture of a typical emotionally intense day…
The day started as any other day - productive, satisfying, good. I came home from work and decided to try to pound out a chapter or so in a book I am working on. A friend had done some edits, so I read through them first, deciding to do a little editing before moving forward. Her suggestions were minor – easily fixable things that would definitely make the story stronger.
No big deal.
Or was it.
You see, it was one of those “a whisper is a scream” moments. And the minor edits grew in my head to insurmountable obstacles. Things that made me question the entire novel. Is this good enough? Maybe it is just garbage? What was I thinking? Etc. And so the spinning, obsessive nature of emotional intensity began.
Now, I am very clear on my “issues”. I know all about the weird moodiness, the affective memory, the over excitability - all of it. I am comfortable with it. But man, some days, it is really hard.
Like really really hard.
I have spent weeks paralyzed by my own self-inflicted fear – a consequence of my own emotional intensity. Yes weeks.
I have learned over the years how to combat my issues. I know I rationalize things when I am stressed or afraid, finding logical reasons why I can or can not do something. And of course, that is what I did in this situation.
I also know how to call myself on the carpet when I do this.
So, as I wrote this post, I emailed my crit partner, committed to a deadline for another chapter or two and got back on the proverbial horse. I overcame the negative aspects of my emotional intensity.
Not all of my particularly intense moments are bad. They are also the moments that enable to craft a story. Or counsel a troubled and confused child. Or inspire a friend.
For me, the intensity is a natural as breathing. I cannot imagine a life NOT lived out loud. I cannot fathom a world not full of bold colors.
And I wouldn’t want to.
How about you guys? Any stories to share?