Developing Your Theme for the Year

Happy New Year everyone! I am back to the grind full throttle this week, trying to figure out how to balance my New Year’s goals with the realities of my day job. I took a month off of writing, which was both a  good and difficult thing…without the outlet that the writing brings, I was more emotional and angsty than typical. But, I had more time in my day for some real life things.

Now, as I try to get back to the habit of writing, meet my deadlines, and meet the obligations of the day job and I back to wondering how on earth to fit it all in.

Our gifted children often have the same dilemma - they have far more things they want to do then they can fit in. But they try, and they try. And at the start of  a new year, be it the start of a new school year or a new calendar year, they try new ways to fit more on their plate. And more often then not, the results is not as they would like…

They get stressed, frustrated and feel somewhat less because they can’t accomplish everything they are setting out to accomplish. They stuck on their need to be perfect with the endeavors, dwindling away the time until nothing at all gets accomplished.

So, this year, why not change the focus. Instead of trying to fit more and more into the day, why not focus on one or two major areas of life and concentrate efforts on those. Make it a theme, if you will.

For me, the theme is self-nurturing.  Everything I attempt, everything I try to fit into my day is bounced against this year’s theme. I literally ask myself, “does this work towards my goal of self-nurturing?” If it does, I will consider doing it. If it does not, I will strongly considering NOT adding it to my to-do list.

In this way, I have a point of focus for the year. A compass with a specific definition of “north”.

Try it! Have your kids try it. It may be helpful. It has proven helpful to me in the past.

How are you approaching goals?

January and New Beginnings!

Welcome, everyone, to 2013! I hope all of you had an opportunity to enjoy ringing in the new year. To start off the new year, I am doing a little housecleaning on the blog, including a new set-up, adding contributor pages (finally) and adding a new member – Amanda Hull.

I also get to introduce this month’s topic: Goals and New Beginnings.

Setting goals can be hard for some gifted individuals. Sometimes the perfectionist takes over. And sometimes, there are just so many things to accomplish that starting fresh and setting goals feels an impossible task.

Throughout the month, our contributors will be looking at goals and new beginnings. I am looking forward to seeing what everyone has to say!

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Christine Fonseca can be found daily on her writer’s blog with her musings about writing, reading and everything in between.

Project Joy!

Wow! It’s December. I can scarcely believe it! Last month our posts focused on gratitude. For me, I spent the month not only focusing on my own gratitude, but doing everything I could to cultivate a grateful heart. I must say that the impact was nothing short of miraculous. Literally.

Relationships, job stresses, and other bothersome things from Sept and October – really from the entire year – no longer carried the same emotional weight with me. Instead of feeling sad about changing relationships or lost opportunities, I was seeing the gifts that each experience had given me.

Now, this isn’t to say I never had hard times. Man, I did…profoundly so. As I said in my November post,  the end of November marks the anniversary of my mother’s death. That, coupled with a relatively difficult year, and I shed plenty of tears over the last week or so. But amidst the tears and pain were moments of gratitude so profound that more than was it literally took my breath away. All from cultivating a practice all month of being grateful.

Well, I decided to continue my forward momentum during this, the last month of 2012. But this time I am focusing on joy.

Every day this month, I am finding a moment of joy – sometimes planned, like bringing back Sunday night dinner with my family, and sometimes unplanned, like an unexpected moment with a friend. Whatever it is – big or small – I will be posting about my joy-filled moment on facebook and holding a place of joy in my heart.

So, to all of you – I invite you to do the same. Cultivate a joyful heart and pay attention to those random moments of joy in your own life.

The topic this month is joy. And each of us will be posting about joy throughout the month. For me, I’ll be back at the end to wrap things up. I can’t wait to share the results of Project Joy!

Our schedule is in the sidebar. We hope you enjoy the month!

On Being Thankful: A guest post from Mona Chicks

Happy Monday everyone! I hope my friends in the US survived the long holiday weekend filled with food, family, shopping and fun., Today I am pleased to host a guest post by Rev. Mona Chicks. Mona is an ordained American Baptist pastor (retired), who supervises the home-based learning of her profoundly gifted and twice-exceptional son. She enjoys reading, writing, movies, sports (playing and watching), and is a big fan of the Seattle Sounders FC (soccer) and Linfield College Wildcats (football). Mona writes about raising a PG/2e child on her blog, Life With Intensity. Mona and her family live in the state of Washington. 

Today, Mona is talking about the art of gratitude. Take it away, Mona: 

There seems to be this common thread that is sewing together the scraps of reading that I’ve been doing lately. It is a thread that frequently gets lost in the fabric of life. My fabric is highly colored and patterned, with darks and lights playing against each other in a yin and yang that dances through the pinks, greens, reds, and blues. Some parts of my fabric are highly textured, and some are smooth. But this thread weaves its way throughout, quietly bringing the themes of my fabric together to a unified wholeness.

The thread is thankfulness.

It’s easy to be thankful when you are experiencing the bright pinks and reds and yellows of life. When your fabric is smooth and silky, it is easy to recognize the blessings that have created a beautiful pattern in its weave.

But when the world is dark blues, purples, or even black – it is often hard to distinguish the pattern, to see how the colors gently weave in and out of one another to paint a picture. When the fabric seems rough to the touch, or scratchy, finding that thread becomes vital. How frequently we lose that thread in our fabric because we close down our ability to see it. It’s so easy to stare at the blackness with eyes that are unfocused. We don’t see the pattern, the subtle changes in shade or depth, or feel how the scratchy surface covers an ultra-soft down underneath. We blindly sit with our fabric tossed to the side, hoping that by ignoring the pain, it will go away.

When I can begin to look closely at those dark areas of my fabric is when I can begin to see the beauty in the pattern, and I can find that thread of thankfulness. I might enjoy the brightly-patterned portions of my fabric more, but the subtlety and depth that comes alive in the darkness engages me in a new pattern altogether.

I look for that thread and sense that, if I were to pull it out, the whole fabric would lose its integrity. And so I begin a process of studying my patterns. I look for opportunities to be thankful, even when my heart is sad. And in my receiving and responding, I find that I can see the pattern in my fabric as it becomes richer and grows in beauty.

Thank you Mona – I loved that. Mona offers more of her beautiful wisdom in my upcoming book, The Girl Guide.

The Art of Gratitude!

Welcome to Week 1 of our focus on gratitude. I wanted to focus my post on the art – and joy – of keeping a gratitude journal. This is something I talk about a lot in my upcoming book, The Girl Guide - the need to refocus our thoughts to the things for which we are grateful.

It is easy as an intense individual to get wrapped up in the throes of emotion, allowing ourselves to get sucked into that vortex. Focusing on the positive, and being grateful for all of the things happening in our lives is ONE way to slow down the emotional roller-coaster and regaining a little perspective, autonomy and…well….balance.

Today, I want to challenge you and yours to practice a little gratitude. Keep a journal, blog, or post on your social media sites something you are grateful for – every single day.

Trust me, some days this is going to be BEYOND HARD. Other days, you will want to sing praises for many things. Whichever is true for you, know that focusing your intention on being grateful will change your perspective, right whatever is out of whack, and guarantee that you have MORE to be thankful for.

See, it really is about perspective!

 

November and Gratitude!

Happy November! For this month, we thought we’d focus on gratitude and emotional intensity.  It is so easy as an intense individual to get caught up on the ups and downs of life; even easier to let that wear you down!

For this month, we at “An Intense Life” decided we should focus on the positive and gratitude. For me, that means giving thanks every day. Nov is hard for me – I lost my mom 11/28/2010. And yes, that date still defines me in too many ways. Add to it the busyness of the season and some of the difficulties personally finding my balance and poof…

One stressed out psychologist/author!

Enter gratitude. Nothing quite refocuses me as well as looking for the things I am thankful for every day.

This month our posts will focus on gratitude. Can’t wait to see what everyone does.

Our schedule is in the sidebar. We hope you enjoy the month!

Living Life Out Loud; Emotional Intensity and the Adult

So, it’s confession time.  As you all know by now, I was a gifted child.  And I’m an emotionally intense adult.  So I thought I’d paint a picture of a typical emotionally intense day…

The day started as any other day -  productive, satisfying, good.  I came home from work and decided to try to pound out a chapter or so in a book I am working on.  A friend had done some edits, so I read through them first, deciding to do a little editing before moving forward.  Her suggestions were minor – easily fixable things that would definitely make the story stronger.

No big deal.

Or was it.

You see, it was one of those “a whisper is a scream” moments.  And the minor edits grew in my head to insurmountable obstacles.  Things that made me question the entire novel.  Is this good enough?  Maybe it is just garbage?  What was I thinking?  Etc.  And so the spinning, obsessive nature of emotional intensity began.

Now, I am very clear on my “issues”.  I know all about the weird moodiness, the affective memory, the over excitability - all of it.  I am comfortable with it.  But man, some days, it is really hard.

Like really really hard.

I have spent weeks paralyzed by my own self-inflicted fear – a consequence of my own emotional intensity. Yes weeks.

I have learned over the years how to combat my issues.  I know I rationalize things when I am stressed or afraid, finding logical reasons why I can or can not do something.  And of course, that is what I did in this situation.

I also know how to call myself on the carpet when I do this.

So, as I wrote this post,  I emailed my crit partner, committed to a deadline for another chapter or two and got back on the proverbial horse. I overcame the negative aspects of my emotional intensity.

Not all of my particularly intense moments are bad.  They are also the moments that enable to craft a story.  Or counsel a troubled and confused child.  Or inspire a friend.

For me, the intensity is a natural as breathing.  I cannot imagine a life NOT lived out loud.  I cannot fathom a world not full of bold colors.

And I wouldn’t want to.

How about you guys?  Any stories to share?

Understanding Emotional Intensity

The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:

A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him…
a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.

– Pearl Buck

This is my absolute favorite explanation of what it means to be gifted – and therefore intense.  I have worked with gifted children and adults for more than a decade, and I can say that everyone, with the exception of dually exceptional individuals which we will discuss in future posts, have lived this poem to some degree.

Intensity refers to how an individual approaches life.  At its best, it is the driving passion that enables some people to achieve amazing things – in any domain.  But at its worst, it is the turmoil that has the power to consume these same individuals from time to time as they learn how to manage that aspect of their personality.

Intensity comes in the form of cognitive intensity – those aspects of thinking ad processing information that all gifted individuals to problem solve.  It relates to the attributes of focus, sustained attention, creative problem solving, and advanced reasoning skills.  Most people think of cognitive intensity as intellect, or “being smart” – all good things.

Emotional intensity is akin to the above poem.  It refers to the passion gifted people feel daily.  But it also refers to the extreme highs and lows many gifted people experience throughout their lifetime, causing them to question their own mental stability from time to time.  This type of intensity is a natural aspect of giftedness.  However, in my experience, it is also one of the most misunderstood attributes.

This month is dedicated to emotional intensity. We will all share our perspectives on the topic, with lots of strategies for you. We hope you enjoy and welcome whatever comments and questions you have!

Pencils, and books, and stress….Oh My!

Here we are, well into another school year. Carpooling, taxiing to too many activities, up until the late hours working on homework. My children are in Middle School and High School and their workload is extreme–not by my choice, necessarily, but by their own. They’ve both had colds already, both had multiple tests and projects.

Yes, the year is underway.

My children are used the chaos of the school year. In many respects they thrive on it. But this year takes busy to this whole other level, especially for my high schooler.

It’s her junior year. She’s in a honors program that makes college look easy. She loves it, but the schedule does not come without a price. She’s in a program with kids just like her. It’s competitive and it’s hard on her when she isn’t as successful as she wants to me. Already this year she has applied for something only to have most of her friends succeed where she did not. It’s frustrating to her. Her intensities grow and she turns into a bit of a mess.

But this year, something else has happened as well. She’s learning to process that angst and frustration. She’s talking more about why she gets frustrated, and dealing with her emotions better. It is magical for me to watch. My husband and I have tried to teach her these skills for so long–watching her use them is a blessing we didn’t honestly expect to see before she went off to college.

Yes, we are into another school year. And yes, it is intense. But this year also brings a rare maturity. At least for now. And you know what, we’ll enjoy it while we can.

On a different note – next month brings posts regarding my favorite topic – emotional intensity. I hope you guys have been enjoying the posts so far.

See you next week.

Rare Weekend Post Part II

So, it has been a crazy week with surprise releases (Check out my other blog for that story), 50+ hour days and being way past due on my manuscript turn in. It has also brought a little news about The Girl Guide that I am allowed to share….

THE COVER!

Not the final final cover, but one that is pretty darn close.

So… what do you guys think?