My take on Fiction Friday…

As promised, my attempt at Fiction Friday. Not sure what I’m talking about? Click here for the deets.

Today’s prompt…

It took Edgar six months to muster the courage to ask out his dreamgirl. Their first date is almost over, and it couldn’t have gone better—until he discovers his wallet is missing. Write the scene.

(remember…my attempt is 100% unedited…OMGosh….)

Edgar stared into the deep green eyes of Deanna.  How was he supposed to tell her that he blew it?  His wallet was on his dresser at home? He contemplated his options. 

Be honest – no way.  She would get up, leave, and text the whole school tomorrow.  He’d be the laughing stalk of Arcadia High.

Ditch the bill – nope. That was worse than telling her the truth.

Call Duke. 

Edgar stewed on it a moment, watched Deanna lips move as she talked, completely unaware of what she was actually saying.

“Um, sorry.  I’ll be right back.” Edgar got up and left the table before Deanna had finished her story.  He wound his way through the scattered tables and punched in his best buds number on his phone.

“Yo, what’s up?  Aren’t you supposed to be getting some action with Deanna by now?”

“Shut up and listen.  I need you to pay up on that favor you owe me?”

“Dude! What favor? And why?”

“Just listen.  Come over to Dominicos and slip me some cash?”

“Cash?”

“I left my wallet at home.”

Laughter rang through the phone.  Edgar pulled the phone from his ear, waiting for it to dissipate.  “Yeah, yeah, I’m a moron.  Just come and bail me out, k?”

“I don’t know-“

“Duke, I swear, you’d better-“

“Relax, relax.  I’m on the way.”

“Good.”

Edgar shut the phone and walked back to the table – the empty table.

 

Well – thoughts?

8 thoughts on “My take on Fiction Friday…

  1. Love it! Everything a kid on a date would normally feel plus the added anxiety of forgetting his wallet. You can also tell that he’s in awe of the girl who may just be a little out of his league, but you leave his feelings after the catastrophe of her leaving to be interpreted. Well done.

  2. i think it was a good save for edgar. why didn’t i think of that? =)

    i thought though that it seems to have been ended abruptly. i know you intended it to be that way with the girl missing from the table. i just think the story seemed suddenly cut short.

    but it was a good story and i enjoyed reading it.

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