Do you remember when you first fell in love? The thrill of seeing that person – the way your heart felt as it pounded against your ribs? Or how your breath came in small puffs whenever your mind wandered to that person? Or the way your mind seemed locked in a continual loop around every detail of your lover?

How about that first fight? Maybe it ended the relationship, maybe it didn’t – either way your world came to a halt. Your heart felt as though it was breaking inside your chest. Your lungs felt incapable of drawing oxygen into your body. You slip into a hole so wide and so deep you are convinced you will never find your way out of it.  You cry. You scream. And you wonder if life can continue without your lover.

Sometimes we can find our way back to our lover. We discover that the love has changed – deepened into something else. The intensity of attraction changes, not wanes really, just changes.

The change isn’t bad – just different. We have to get used to it. But we want to. The love is deeper, more true. It can weather the storms.

I thinking writing is just like this.

At first it is all intense and all-consuming. It was the first thing I thought of in the morning, and the last thing I thought about at night. 

After my first novel – and my next – the feeling remained.

But as time went on, things changed. I completed my next novel and a few short stories. The passion turned into work.

Everything felt different. 

I was still in love with writing. But that love had changed.

It changes still.

My muse took off for a bit and left me breathless, confused, sad.

And like any long-term relationship I had to decide if I was willing to put in the work necessary to continue.

And I am.

So I do…

And just like my other important relationships – it is worth it.

What about you guys? How do you view your relationship with writing?


12 thoughts on “When Love Changes…

  1. I have a love/hate relationship with writing. Sometimes I really love it. But when my confidence takes a dive, I hate it. It’s just one more thing that proves I’m not good enough. After that passes, I’m okay again, and I love writing.

    How’s that for muddied? LOL!

  2. I agree! Especially when I’m starting a new project, it is like falling in love, I imagine all the wonderful things we’re going to do together, the places we’ll go, the emotions we’ll share.

    And then reality sets in, and writing becomes routine. But if it’s right, there’s a commitment, and I stick it out and work through until I find the bright spots again.

  3. I think that’s probably the perfect way of describing it. At first it’s breathtaking and wonderful, and then it becomes work – but work that is more satisfying than it was in the beginning. 🙂

  4. Listen, the honeymoon period has DEFINITELY worn off, LOL!

    But really, you make an excellent point. Writing is something that needs work and passion for it waxes and wanes. So true.

  5. I was just talking about this the other day. Love the analogy of relating writing to a love. I’m sort of in a waning period with my writing – the honeymoon period is over and now its time to work at it. But the work is worth it in the long run.

  6. For me, writing is more like a stalker that I’ve finally just decided to give into. LOL I guess I did go through that falling in love and honeymoon phase, but it was so long ago and I was so very idealistic back then. When I decided to “divorce” writing, I really did intend to do just that…but it kept poking and prodding and following me around until I finally just acquiesced.

    So I guess you could say I have a calm, very deep relationship with my writing now, where I’ve accepted that it’s just what I’m supposed to do, whether I happen to like it that day or not. Thankfully, the days I like it are more common than those I don’t…

  7. For me, writing is like adopting that cute puppy at the pet store. “Oh, he’s so cute! Look how fuzzy he is! He loves me, he does! We’re going to take long walks, and he’ll sleep next to me and I’ll teach him all kinds of new tricks. ”

    Then, after a few weeks…

    “What do you mean you want to go out again? You didn’t do anything the last time you were out there. ”

    That cute puppy turns out to be a lot of WORK. Oh, you still love the little bugger, but the illusion is gone.

  8. Great metaphor! I just finished my first novel so I think I’m in that “I’m in love & it’s going to last forever” stage 🙂

  9. Christine—what an awesome post. I feel your pain. For me, writing is like carrying a torch for someone who runs hot and cold. I am dedicated, madly in love and often spurned. Yet, (foolishly?) I keep coming back for more, ever hopeful my capricious love will finally love me back.

  10. I hadn’t really thought of writing in that context before. I guess I can most relate to Jamie D.’s and Missy’s feelings about writing. When I first started, I just wanted to entertain others with my stories. The praise and encouragement I received prompted me to continue. When I got into theatre in high school, I would have almost been willing to give up writing for acting–stage plays=more immediate gratification; however, my ego insisted I maintain my “smart girl” image and continue to write. Sometimes it can be like a child through whom I live vicariously to continue to get the “applause” I seek (Best “Glee” line ever: You don’t understand, I’m like Tinkerbell Finn, I need applause to live!”). It is also a conduit through which I exorcise my demons (and apparently my tired clichés). The words build up in my head and if I don’t let them out on paper or through the keyboard, my ability to focus becomes impaired.

    I’m enjoying reading everyone’s different experiences with writing! 🙂

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