One day…

It’s no secret that I lost my mom just over a week ago. It’s also no secret that this has been difficult for me. 

Mom’s death wasn’t a complete surprise – my mother was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer earlier in the year. I’ve been preparing for her death since June, even though she was pretty certain she would beat it (at least until the week before she died).

But how do you prepare to lose your personal hero?

My mom raised me as a single parent. Throughout my life – the good times, the hard times, the happy and the sad – she has remained my beacon of hope, guidance and safety. She was my number one cheerleader, my mentor and my dearest friend.

How do you say goodbye to that?

I know, she lives on in my heart and through my children – and this is something I do believe. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to how much I’ll miss her phone calls, her hugs, and the way she and I always knew when we needed each other.

Now, I am learning how to move through my life again – a life forever changed. Not worse, but certainly different.

I know the pain will lessen…one day.

I know the tears will dry…one day.

I know I’ll remember how to breathe again…one day.

Life will resume, I will write, things will go on…one day.

Mom’s strength will help me through it, and I will find my balance again…

One day.

25 thoughts on “One day…

  1. Christine, I am so very sorry for your loss.

    I lost my mother 5+ years ago, under very similar circumstances. There is no magic wand or cure for those left behind, but time does help. But it’s so very raw at first–“painful” doesn’t explain that gaping hole in your world.

    You are a wonderful tribute to the woman your mother was–her influence in shaping you, and what you consequently bring to the people you connect with, will be a lasting legacy.

    My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. Please know you are in my thoughts.

  2. Toni K

    It’s been eight years since my mom died with cancer and I still cry at the littlest things, like the facebook blurbs that say “Click like if all you have are memories”.

    I know she’s here in spirit– but it’ll never be the same and I don’t expect it to be. I can only assume that she wouldn’t want me sad and depressed, and that she’d want me to make the most of what time I have left with the kids, and to enjoy the tiny wonders of life. I asked her once, if she had any regrets. She said she wished she’d been more spontaneous to do minor fun things, rather than planning the bigger events all the time. Because looking back, there was a lot of work going on when there could have been a lot of playing. (camping for a night in the backyard is just as much fun as waiting for a rare 3-day weekend to organize a big road trip.🙂

    Anyway… I guess what I would say is (I’ll say it to myself as well), don’t put off enjoying life with your family while you wait for that day when you can breathe again. That day might not come. And soon, your children will be grown and maybe they’ll be asking what you’d do differently if you could. So, live life now! Create memories for your family that override the number of hours you spend working at home or on the computer. Because no one knows how much time is left.

    I don’t think either of our moms would find that disrespectful.

    <<>>

    And now, I think I’ll go play Mario Galaxy with my 5-year old.🙂

  3. Sorry to hear about your loss, Christine. When I saw your wall post on Facebook, I wasn’t sure if I should send you a message. So sorry. My thoughts are with you. Sending you warm hugs.

  4. Carrie

    So sorry for your loss. The thing that helped my mom and that she tells others is to remember that your mom is always with you in the person that you are.

  5. My deepest condolences, Christine. When I lost my dad three years ago, it took a while before I felt like I was back in the normal world again. I remember feeling as though my mother, my sister, and I were all pulled partways out of the world along with my dad, and we were all looking at everyone else going about their business through some kind of a veil. Everything seemed so alien, even our own lives as recently as a day or two before. Everyone treated us so differently. But everyone went out of their way to show love and support, too. I hope you are surrounded by love and support, I hope you’ll let me know if I can do anything to help, even just as a listening ear, and I wish you peace.

    -Caroline Bridges

  6. Christine Fonseca

    Thank you all so much! I am thankful for each and everyone of you – and my friends who are never online – for all of the support. I know I couldn’t go through this without all of your support.

  7. Both my parents died when I was younger so I can totally relate to what you’re going through. It does change your life completely, in ways that people don’t even imagine unless they’ve experienced it themselves. You will pull through, but don’t rush it. Give yourself time to grieve. All my best to you and your family.

  8. Christine – I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. She sounds like a truly remarkable lady. How wonderful that you had her to guide you into the success that you are today. It’s amazing how truly strong we are – even when when we feel like our strength’s been tapped. I call it the back-up genrator. Everyone has one. Sometimes we just don’t realize they’re running. **hugs**

  9. I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I lost my father three years ago, and time does lessen the pain somewhat, but it is true that your life is forever divided into, “Before” and “After.” Take the time to grieve and be sad. There’s no way around it – only through it, and even then you carry it with you.

    Believe it or not though, there are blessings that come – fantastic memories, moments of connection, things you might never have done before, the courage to make your way in a new world.

    But for now, my heart goes out to you. Take the best care of yourself that you can.

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