Living Life Out Loud…or a day in the life of an emotionally intense adult

So, it’s confession time.  As most of you already know, I was a gifted child.  And yes, many years later I am now an emotionally intense adult.  So I thought I’d paint a picture of a typical emotionally intense day…

The day started as any other day –  productive, satisfying, good.  I spent most of the morning working on a current fiction project.  A writing partner had done some edits, so I read through them first, deciding to do a little editing before moving forward.  Her suggestions were minor – easily fixable things that would definitely make the story stronger.

No big deal.

Or was it.

You see, it was one of those “a whisper is a scream” moments.  And the minor edits grew in my head to insurmountable obstacles. Things that made me question the entire novel.

Is this good enough?  Maybe it is just garbage?  What was I thinking?  Etc.

And so the spinning, obsessive nature of emotional intensity began.

Now, I am very clear on my “issues”.  I know all about the weird moodiness, the affective memory, the over excitability – all of it.  I am comfortable with it.  But man, some days, it is really hard.

Like really really hard.

So I spent a few days completely paralyzed by my own self-inflicted fear – a consequence of my own emotional intensity.

I have learned over the years how to combat my issues.  I know I rationalize things when I am stressed or afraid, finding logical reasons why I can or can not do something.  And of course, that is what I did in this situation.

I also know how to call myself on the carpet when necessary.

So, as I wrote this post,  I emailed my crit partner, committed to a deadline for another chapter or two and got back on the proverbial horse. I overcame the negative aspects of my emotional intensity.

Not all of my particularly intense moments are bad.  They are also the moments that enable me to craft a story.  Or counsel a troubled and confused child.  Or inspire a friend.

For me, the intensity is a natural as breathing.  I cannot image a life NOT lived out loud.  I cannot fathom a world not full of bold colors.

And I wouldn’t want to.

How about you guys?  Any stories to share?

3 thoughts on “Living Life Out Loud…or a day in the life of an emotionally intense adult

  1. Oh Maaaan. How long have you got?. Bless yer heart, I should have known, could have guessed, That you were/are another one. I’ve learned not to assume though, to beware of erroneous Projection. There’s a reason I post under the banner “Love This Life, Onward through the Fog”.

    Thanks much for this post. It’s nice to be reminded there are others who have to, and Do, deal with this maelstrom of emotion.

  2. In the past, I’ve suffered through periods where I shame myself into solitude until I’ve learned to “control” my loud behavior. Eventually, I get so wound up that I emotionally explode. I’ve always desired to be that calm, cool and collected person-you know, the one who is mysterious and desirable? Yeah, she only exists in my head, right? Slowly, I’m learning to find the balance and accept myself for the intense person I am. I WANT to live life out loud, not let it pass me by. And I do not want to feel bad about it. It’s a long hard road, but I think I’m making progress. It helps to hear that others struggle with the same thing. Thanks Christine.

  3. “Is this good enough? Maybe it is just garbage? What was I thinking? Etc.” I’m right there. The revisions I got back this time were few and far between, but I feel overwhelmed and paralyzed. I got halfway through them and I can’t seem to pull myself back. :S After reading your post on how fears have a place, too, I realized this was my problem and I was flying instead of fighting.

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