On Friday, the 25th, both Jen and Kate made similar posts on separate blogs. Jen posted here about her experiences with going Quiet, and Kate posted on her own blog –about why she sometimes stops blogging. After reading their posts, I wanted to say, “Me too! Me too!” Which I did; in the comments.

I have been filled with minor, petty anxieties and perhaps one or two big ones, that have built up and made just want to lay down and take a nap. First, we’ve got fleas. We have three cats and three trillion fleas. I don’t know for sure if the fleas got in here because of the cats, the since they are all indoor cats –though one cat has been known to escape from time to time. As of this writing, I have only seen one, maybe two fleas today. It could have been the same flea twice. So there has been spraying, and vacuuming (oh, so much vacuuming!) and washing every piece of bedding and most pieces of clothing, and gel treatments on the cats, and flea collars (on the cats–though we all did fantasize about getting some for ourselves to wear around our ankles!) And more vacuuming and just when I think I have gone a day and a half without seeing a flea, one of my kids will complain that one just jumped on them. I think I feel something crawling on my arm and I look, and nothing is there. Nine times out of ten, nothing will be there. But not ten times out of ten.https://i2.wp.com/planetsmilies.net/sad-smiley-362.gif

Then we have the battle of whether or not to fog. I don’t want to. I am concerned about it being flammable and having to turn off the pilot lights. I am concerned about what will happen to any of our food that is in cardboard boxes in the pantry–like the cereal that has been opened. I just don’t trust the foggers.

My 21-year-old twins are in rehearsals for a local play, meanwhile, one of them is jobless and the other one has announced she is moving out of state at the beginning of July right after her play is over. She won’t be here for her little sister’s dance recital which is the first weekend in August. And will her brother ever get a job, because he doesn’t look like he is really trying very hard to get a job. He seems to be way too picky about where he is willing to work. Before you ask, we already tried the kicking him out thing, but to make a long story short, that wasn’t hitting bottom for him even though he sometimes had to sleep in a car or in a park. I worry that hitting bottom for him will be when he is dead. So I guess we will be supporting him for the rest of his life while he complains that we don’t treat him like the 21-year-old adult that he is.https://i2.wp.com/planetsmilies.net/confused-smiley-17420.gif

I am concerned about my health. Working out and eating smaller portions would go a very long way in alleviating many of my health issues: Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high triglycerides (apparently my LDLs and my HDLs are where they should be); but I don’t seem to find a way to change my routine so that I can fit in exercise. I do have a plan for this once school is out, but we’ll see if I actually do anything about it.

We have a few trips planned to visit relatives this summer. My husband’s parents live in one part of Arizona, and my mom lives in another and we are trying to find a way to visit both sets of parents who live hours from each other, and even more hours from us. Then there’s my dad. He only lives about an hour and a half away but I haven’t seen him in over a year. I think we communicate psychically because there hasn’t been any other form of communication between us other than the occasional email forward from his wife, or a “Like” on one of my Facebook posts (again, from his wife, not from him).   I realize I might be coming off like I’m whining about my life. This is not my intention. I am merely writing down the facts as I see them. I am explaining what whirls through my brain throughout the day in no particular order and in varying intensities. Then, finally, it’s the shut down.

It seems my synapses have gone on strike. They have chosen to only have limited communication with each other. All I want to do is read and watch some TV and knit and crochet.  I want to write, but apparently not enough to do more than what I have actually promised another person that I would write.

Meanwhile, I’m not getting any writing done on my blog. I am too lazy to take pictures of my knit and crochet projects and post them like I used to. I finally took one Wednesday of a hat I finished that I will be posting today. So, I guess I’m still knitting and crocheting. I’m still reading. I’m just not writing. Except for this. Right here. I wonder, what will it take to get me writing my little fiction stories that I used to write? Will I have to wait all the way until November when NaNoWriMo forces my hand? Will I find a writing prompt in my writing group that inspires me long before November? That is my plan. This is my hope.


5 thoughts on “Angsty Anxieties

  1. That’s a tough one. To know whether we just need a break and to stare into space for a while or we need to take a class or something to jumpstart ourselves. That’s how it is for me. Sometimes I just need new input.

  2. I think it’s going around. I too have been feeling anxious and restless for about a month now. Too much to do, too many “should’s” and even when I have the time to tackle some, all I want to do is take a nap. My kids seem amped up too. Whiny, loud, bouncing on every last nerve I have. Trying to just do my best and be happy with little accomplishments and grateful to take a nap. Hang in there!

  3. I too am dealing with a build up of anxiety. I go to yoga and feel better while I’m there, then I come home and think about my to-do list. And then I go on facebook instead! I have a tick under my eye that only used to act up when I was under a lot of pressure at school (finals, papers)… this time its just life! All good stuff (until last night – that’s another story that I won’t go into here). My husband got a job with benefits (so we had to choose a plan, new doctors, and transfer records), I’m getting my eldest ready to move into an apartment, setting up my youngest’s birthday party, and planning an overseas trip, all while trying to do all my “normal” stuff including helping with a class at our church, working part time and giving a presentation out of town last weekend. And with my husband’s new job he’s working longer hours and we’ve had to re-organize the carpool. My eye is twitching just writing about all this. At least I don’t get migraines which is how my mother’s body reacted to stress. But I do wish this tick would go away! I have friends who don’t get it, who think this is “fun”. Hopefully I can relax on my vacation and enjoy having all this behind me.

    By the way Donna – I think the thing with your son is more than enough to make you feel stressed! The fleas would put me over the top too.

  4. Stress can be paralyzing. Admonishments to exercise, meditate, do yoga, take a weekend to my self by well-being friends always sound like more work than I have energy to use.

    Treat yourself kindly. Know that at each moment you ARE doing the best you can do at that moment. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to yourself.

    Will add you to my metta meditation today. ;o

    1. Ahhhhhhhh….. 🙂 Thank you, Linda!

      Btw, I tried clicking on your name to get to your blog and got the tumblr screen that says: Request denied. You do not have permission to access this page. If you believe this was in error, please contact support. Which I did, but then thought maybe it was a typo when you entered it? I do have a tumblr account, so I don’t think that was it.

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