Having lived with emotional intensity all of my life you would think that writing a blog post on this topic would be easy, but it’s not. You would think I would be an expert, but I’m not. I am still reeling from a conversation that happened this morning. I keep replaying the words over again in my head, feeling the sting of the energy again and again. I have tried all day to turn it off but I just can’t. The funny thing is, I don’t know this person, and this was the first conversation I have ever had with them. The frustration and judgment I felt coming from them wasn’t even about me or my situation, my mind knows this, my emotions do not. I know that these deep feelings will take me days to process and move on from. I wonder if this person even knows how their energy affected me.
I have days that I wish everyone could experience one day of what it is like to live with emotional intensity. Those days usually are the days that my boys are having very intense emotions, and I see the reactions on people’s faces. I also feel their energy. My 8-year-old is a creative perfectionist. If a project he is working on doesn’t come out the way he saw it in his head, he can react very big. He has been known to scream, ball up the paper and either throw it or bite it. Most people who see this look at him like he has three eyes, then look at me like I have no control of my child. If people knew what this felt like, I think they would be more responsible for the energy they bring into our space.
My son asks me why our family has these big emotions, while it seems no one else does. I have often asked myself the same question. Why has talking about slavery in 2nd grade left a deep scar in my heart? Why can’t I watch any movies from that time period, without weeping or having bad dreams for weeks sometimes months after? We have talked about being gifted, and all that comes along with it. I’ve read all the books, but still don’t have a good answer for him. I focus on the good that comes with it. How we can walk outside and see a sulk in the clouds that no one else can see. How he can create an amazing story about that skull as easily as breathing. How he can hear a song and be inspired to create a whole scene of a movie around it. It is because we can do these things that the world overwhelms us at times. He tells me, “I wish everyone felt big feelings like us.” Me too, son…me too! At the very least I wish people would be responsible for the energy they bring into our space