I let my wife know I was struggling with this month’s blog post and she had my back. She had written something a while back and when I told her I was having a hard time with this blog, she shared it with me. She said that even though it might not fit in with the topic “Joy,” I was welcome to share it. Jodi has the patience of a saint, which is necessary being married to me. She is my greatest Joy as well, so I think it fits in nicely with this month’s topic.
What is it like to be married to an ADHD/LD/Gifted person? For me it’s a well-balanced roller coaster ride. This ride has many ups and downs. On any given day, any given hour, any given minute I feel:
Like a Queen – There are times I feel like I’m the only person around and he’s giving me any and all of his attention. He kisses me any time he’s near me. He holds my hand wherever we are – in the car, at the table, on the couch, wherever. He asks me out on dates and really wants to be with me.
Alone – I can sit in the same room with my husband and feel like I’m not even noticed. I can’t compete with the excitement and business of the computer. It hurts to try to talk to him and feel like I’m being ignored for a computer game or facebook or email or game statistics, etc.
Special – He does things for me that I love, often times when he clearly doest not want to be doing them (i.e. rubbing my feet).
Dumb –I don’t have the extensive vocabulary he has – he’s a fantastic, eloquent, wonderful writer. I don’t feel like I can have conversations with him that are even close to stimulating enough. I don’t feel like I’m interesting enough for him.
Amazed – I am constantly amazed at how smart my husband is. He is so smart. He knows things about things – random things – that I had no clue he knows. And I am constantly amazed at how good he is with our kids.
Left Out – I don’t know the things he goes through. He has connections with other G/LD (2E) people that I will never have with him. I try to ask questions, which sometimes are answered and sometimes are not.
Helped – He will help with anything I ask him to. It has taken some time for me to come to grips with the fact that it probably won’t happen on my time line. But it will get done.
Frustrated – It frustrates me to have to ask him for things I want. I want him to be able to read me. To think of nice things to do for me – without me having to ask for them. I want him to help out around the house without me having to ask. Even though logically I know he’s not purposefully ignoring household tasks, it’s hard, sometimes, to not feel like he’s just not doing them because they’re boring (let’s face it – chores are boring – I don’t like them either).
Impressed – I am very impressed at how he can charm the pants off of anyone. He’s fun to talk to, he’s charismatic, he helps people when he can. I love being out with him and others and watching the interactions that happen. People are drawn to him. They love talking to him. And I get to say he’s mine!
Stressed – There are times I feel like I’m walking on egg-shells and fear asking him anything. I watch him and our middle child butt heads and I want so desperately to go in and rescue her. I’m not sure what is the right thing to do in those situations.
Loved – I know he loves me. He hugs me. He kisses me. He holds my hand. He listens when I REALLY need him to. He can comfort me. He knows what words to use to make me feel better. He puts his arm around me in the movie theater. He loves me. I love him.