I’m not a resolution maker and I’m ok with that. It’s not that I’m against goals, I certainly have enough of those, but resolving to change based on the flip of the calendar isn’t for me. I pick a word of the year instead. This year my word is enough. (complete with period), and I will react/cope/plan through that lens this year. Previous years’ words were grateful and strong, and having those words when I did really set the tone for those twelve months.
As I was chewing on the word enough. and mentally working on the theme for this month, I took a long, hard look at my success with goals. And what I saw was not pretty. Actually, it was pretty eye-opening and more than a little embarrassing.
I have a tendency to set goals, and as soon as it gets a little difficult, I convince myself that I’m just fine with the status quo and give up. This is why, among other things, I am still 35 pounds fluffier than I want to be (I love myself the way I am). Any audacious goal I have gets shunted aside and I lie to myself that it’s ok.
It’s not ok. With my word this year being enough., I’m done with that. I’ve had…enough. Yes, I have an unusually challenging life, homeschooling a complex twice-exceptional son, but what am I modeling by lying to myself and giving up when it gets tough? Not something I want my sons to learn. The few areas I’ve not done this are in my flute playing, my writing, and my marriage; three areas of which I’m proud. And while I’ve sure as hell wanted to give up and relinquish parenting, I haven’t. I suppose I should call that a win.
I have some audacious plans for this year, many of which are still bubbling to the surface. I’ve always envied those who’ve been able to set goals and follow through 100%. This year I have the personal challenge of balancing the belief that I am enough. just the way I am and declaring enough. already on my bad habit of giving up when the going gets tough.
Perhaps I shall make that a goal.
Jen writes over at Laughing at Chaos, and is the author of “If This is a Gift, Can I Send It Back?: Surviving in the Land of the Gifted and Twice Exceptional.”