New beginnings, Mulligans, and self-forgiveness

It never ceases to amaze me how my mood shifts with the sunlight. I’ve started this post at least four times; the previous three it was dark and gloomy and spitting snow and my writing was dark and gloomy and depressing. The sun has finally has popped out for a brief visit here in Chicago and my mood is considerably lighter. Still heart stopping cold, though. I’d better write fast, clouds are moving in.

This month marked one year of homeschooling here in the House of Chaos. It has not been easy. Don’t know why I thought it would be; nothing about my son has been easy. Ever. It has been marked by a great deal of trial and error, learning experiences, boxed wine, and repeated application of forehead to the nearest solid surface. If nothing else, I’ve learned that flexibility is key. I’m not so good with flexibility.

So I’m calling a Mulligan, forgiving myself, and starting over. At least this time I have a slightly better idea of what I’m doing, as well as many more homeschooling friends. I have learned, again and again and again, that the more flexible and relaxed I am about homeschooling my son, the happier we both are. And, of course, the more he learns. The more I try to recreate school at home, the worse off we both are. That I have to relearn this every six to eight weeks is more than a little frustrating, and is apparently my homeschooling lesson to master. The over-achieving perfectionist that I am, I’ll keep working on it until I get it right. I’m sure I’ll have puh-LENTY of opportunities.

I knew homeschooling my son would be a challenge, and it has more than lived up to that expectation. What I didn’t expect, however, was how often I’d have to relearn that lesson. You’d think I would have figured that out by now; he’s been advanced parenting for almost 12 years. I’ll learn and forget, relearn and forget again, forgive myself a thousand times over, and finally get it right.

Eventually.

4 thoughts on “New beginnings, Mulligans, and self-forgiveness

  1. Carol Abraham

    Jen, i just wanted you to know how much I enjoy your posts. You give me strength and inspiration. My son isn’t nearly as challenging as yours and has been (so far) able to stay in a public school setting but I always find something in your writing that strikes a chord. Thank you!

  2. I feel the same way. Today we’re taking a mental health day because I’ve used up all my energy for the week. Ok, so I did that Wednesday but a trip to the grocery store yesterday took so long we did math as we went down the aisles. We are on a 4-5 week cycle of adjustment. I may never learn.

    1. Yesterday he did math, then some science, and then I let him loose on Shmoop. I called it good. I also called it “we have to get that kid his own damned functioning computer because he can’t keep using mine because I have to work.” Baby steps… LOL

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