I think this summed up the intensity of giftedness in a nutshell.

The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:

A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him…
a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.

~ Pearl S. Buck

eyeWhen I think of myself and the intense feelings I have surrounding… everything, I often wish it were not the case. I have lobbied for changes in our laws and when they don’t go my way, I’m CRUSHED. When the DARK act went through, completely ruining my work in Minnesota legislature for GMO labeling, I was pretty much a big ball of yuck for a good 2 weeks. I can’t watch the news, it sucks the life out of me.

Now that I’m unemployed, I apply and get rejected, and it just about kills me every time. When it comes to finding employment, my brother used the phrase, “when you’re hunting duck, you want to get a lot of shot in the air,” but he is certainly not nearly as invested in the application process as I must be. With each rejection, it cripples my desire to try again. I applied to be a Foreign Service Officer and took the test. I passed the first set of hurdles and submitted my personal narratives, but was eliminated. I was stunned and hurt. I had pretty well convinced my family it was a good thing to be traveling around the world as a foreign diplomat, but then was rejected. I didn’t even make it to the interview stage. Humbling yes, but painful when I knew I could do such a great job, and crippling when I looked to apply again. If these jobs that I think would fit me so well are rejecting me, what is wrong with me?

I’m looking at local politics and have been inspired to run for city council. My only reservation is that if I run and lose, I’m going to crawl into my hole of bleakness for a good 2 weeks at least most likely. I want to continue to serve people, and I have great ideas for helping people who are homeless and building better food banks. Things are not getting better in our area and we need to do something. So I will run and I will continue to work to improve our system. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know for a fact, but I highly suspect, that very few politicians have the same passion to really make it better. I don’t doubt that they want to help, but I don’t know if they pour so much of their soul into it.

Fortunately, there is also the other side of the equation. We homeschool, and I get to watch my kids learn and grow nearly every day. I was helping another family at the skating rink earlier this month and their young girl looked at me and said, “you seem like a really great Dad.” This sort of thing melts me even when it’s not my own child.

beamOne of our daughters was in a gymnastics meet last weekend and got a 2nd place and 4th place award. Unfortunately, she fell twice on beam and stepped out on floor. She had a couple bad events, but she was thrilled to have done so well on the other two. If she had not competed, she would certainly not have won anything. So I guess we all have to learn that if we fail to get up and try again, that’s really the only way we lose, but boy howdy is it a painful experience at times.


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